Living Inside My Head

Everywhere I go, I can hear about people being insecure and don't love themselves enough... "I'm not skinny enough." "I wish I have a body like hers." "I'm too fat." "I'm so ugly." "Being ugly must be my talent." Those are just some common lines that are being said by most people. Reason? People are too judgmental. "Ugh. Look at her. Does she even belong here?" "Ew. What are you wearing?" "HAHAHA! You're so fat!" I recall waiting for my food in the mall then this group of girls were standing behind me then I heard one of them say "Let's go judge people" and you know what, they are really really really lucky that there are a lot of people in the mall or else I would have given them a lecture. I can never forget that moment because the feeling I had that time was unexplainable. But come to think of it, being judged cannot be escaped. It's already in the hu

We can’t deny that we’ve all been through this rough decision. You wanna go home but your friends want you to stay? You wanna buy your favorite shoes but your mom insists that the shoes she picked was better? You wanna be a teacher but your parents wants you to be an engineer? Those are just some of the hard decisions to think over. Whether you’ll go for what you want but the other side gets disappointed or you follow the wants of others and you just have to bear with it.  But to think of it, sometimes you have to fight for yourself. I mean, yes, you want to make them happy, but what about you? Are you gonna be happy? Yes, sometimes you have to think about others before yourself but it doesn't mean you have to do it all the time...because sometimes, people can abuse you for that. Would you want that? Definitely not. But then the thought that you're risking something over your happiness might come into mind. Take for example, your friendship. Yes, they

I know most of us have thought about this act. Suicide. What makes us think about this?  Yes. Problems, problems, problems. We all think that dying is the gateway to solving whatever life throws at us. No existence, no problem! NO more bullying, no more stress. You're free! But... What do we gain from being dead? We'll have nothing to do but look at all these people breathing, talking, eating, running, walking, LIVING. Doing all the things that you can do no more.  I don't know what it feels like to be dead (because I still get to post these stuffs) but look at it this way... You're dead. You're a ghost. You see your family weeping over you because you killed yourself. You wanted to hug them and tell them that you're gonna be okay, but you cant, and you're not even close to being okay. You look to your left and you see your classmates, friends, and teachers whom you thought will never go to your funeral, but you see them th

I know all of you experienced this. We all get stressed out because of our parents sometimes, we can't change that. Do this!  Do that!  Buy this!  Clean that!  You missed a spot!  Clean your room!  Clean up the kitchen!  Go to school!  Do your homework! These are just some common lines that our mom usually shouts. But the last time I heard my mom shout was 5 years ago... My mom's name's Ellyn. She's probably the kindest person you would have met. She was my teacher, my best friend, and my mom of course...The best mom in the world. When she died, every time I do nothing but sit and think, there will always be flashbacks. Flashbacks where I would ignore her while she was trying to comfort me and ask me what was wrong; Flashbacks where I saw her call out to me from the kitchen but I ignored her because she made me do the laundry; And I never realized how sad she was when I did... I never noticed how her beautiful smile disappeared when I was selfish for

We have all been through our rough times, no one can escape the cruelty of life. And that's a fact. Thinking that your life is the worst of all? Think again. I, for one, thought that I have the worst life in the history of human kind. Thinking that my parents are now gone, I can't imagine that I can't see them ever while I'm still here on earth, alive. But then I thought, I am not the only one who doesn't have parents... Every time I watch TV, or walk along the streets, I see homeless children who depends on each other and strive to live. Life didn't hit me that hard. In classrooms, I hear everyone laughing and teasing the fattest one in class but little do they know that that fat girl they always tease cries every time she goes home and skips all of her meals just to get thinner. She's living because of water and her parents are worried. She's unhealthy not just physically, but emotionally, too. My life didn't hit me that hard. Some

"Never thought it could go any worse than that" During the first month of summer before my life as a high school student would start, my father used to hate everything I do...and by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. One time, I was writing on my journal, he scowled at me and said "What are you doing?! You're not even writing on your notebook during your days in elementary!" Then there's this other time when I drank fresh milk. He was like "Why are you drinking that?! You're not allowed to drink fresh milk at this time of day!" And of course, the basic thing that parents usually do: I was watching TV then he called me outside. He was with our family and they were talking. I went up to them and he started talking about all my failures in life and they all started laughing at me. I swear, at that time, I wanted to cut myself. I went to my room crying and searched for something sharp (can't use the knife, too big). I couldn't find

Remember that girl who bullied you yesterday? Or maybe that boy who teased awful things about you? Or those people who have let you down? What do you do to them? Do you bully them back or let them do what makes them happy, and that's hurting you? There's this line that says "Don't judge the book by its cover." We all know that it's about judgmental people. But come to think of it, are there people who don't judge?  I have read, seen, and heard about people's lives. About how cruel people to them are and how they just constantly tear them apart. But then again, we can't escape the fact that people like them exist, there will always be someone who will rain on your parade. But how did these kind of people exist? Let's go back to the girl who bullied you. Did you notice her scratches? How bout her bruises? No? How do you think is she treated at home?  Have you heard someone cry in your school's comfort room lately? THAT WAS HER.

Best Friend Problem. The most common line that people would tell me is "You're so kind" and I sometimes wonder why. Then I realized I have met all kinds of people: People who are mean to others because they have been bullied, people who are kind because they have been through a lot, people who looked kind but are actually mean, and people who looked mean but they are actually kind. Which one are you? FOr me, I don't know. Last week, I had a serious fight with my best friend because of a boy. She got mad at me because her crush and I were texting. Of course I wondered why she had to risk our friendship over a boy and I am no interested with the boy AT ALL. She threw bad words about me and I didn't care. She ignored me for the whole week and I didn't care. She doesn't want to forgive me but I didn't care. But actually, I LOOKED like I didn't care. Every time I went home that week, I would cry in my room. I didn't feel any hatred on her becaus

So, this is my very own first blog about myself and everything that's happening in my life. I actually have Tumblr but it's mostly about Maroon 5. Yes, I am a proud Marooner <3 Well first of all, this blog was made out of pure...hmmm...what's the correct term...? I guess "boredom" is enough. Yes, this blog was made out of pure boredom, but there's willingness  in the corner. I just thought that since I'm always online, why not make my very own journal online as well? Honestly, when  I get home, I keep on telling myself "I should probably write on my journal now...but then again, nah, maybe tomorrow" then go online and surf the net. Been doing that for a few months now and gladly, my laziness disappeared and made this. And also, I thought that since I'm beginning college, why not make a blog of my write-ups, right? I always loved making poems and stories and I hope that people like you might like the things that I write. It's wei