Living Inside My Head

People come and go. You look up and see them flocking but you won't be able to follow them with your eyes forever. At some point in life, someone comes along. Think about that one friend you have. Are you happy to have met him/her? Are you happy about  where you were when you met? Here I am thinking about my life choices, and I don't regret them one bit. I look at these people I get to see and talk to everyday, then my mind would wander back to the time when we first met and had our first conversation, never realizing it was the start of something that would be with me longer than I anticipated. I get saddened by the thought that one day, I'd wake up and realize that they're gone. Graduation is near for them while I am still four years away. There is more to the line " Why do birds suddenly appear? " I remember going to the rooftop of my past high school building and I recall following a fleeting airplane with my unmoving gaze. I stared at it long en

Heyaaa! I decided to make a facebook page for this blog made specifically for you guys! I just thought that this will help me get to know my readers more and I hope you can support this page all the way with me! Thank you for staying with me eventhough I don't post much. x_x ~Link to page~

Understand that it took me a lot of courage to get up this morning. People would mistake me for a slacker. Someone who's always late for class, or someone that has an invalid reason to be absent. But please hear me out. Every morning is a constant battle between me and my brain.  "Why get up?" "Stay in bed. Better than being in class that you'll most probably fail." "You're invisible to everyone, what's the point?" "Nobody will notice that you're gone." Please understand that these thoughts are ghosts that haunt me every time. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS. Believe me, I want these thoughts to stop. Understand that this is not something to be joked about. I don't want you to know... but maybe I do.   It's hard to keep it all in. I don't want too much people knowing what I'm battling with, I don't want them to think that I'm just searching for attention... (admit it, most people see everyone with

I should be on my bed, staring at the ceiling, rethinking about my worth. My previous friends couldn't care less if I'm gone, and it seems as if I only bring stress to my family... then why am I here? Sometimes, I wish I could just yell and tell everyone to shut up and listen to me. But no, I am scared. Scared that no one will listen, scared that my opinion wouldn't matter, scared that my voice is just some dust in the wind. Life is just a series of doors that we get to dive in, head first. Every door gives you another path to choose, and so far I have chosen to be a coward. Along the way, I've met people who listened and reminded me that it's not a danger to go for other norms. It's okay to step up and be the speaker. That it's okay to voice out, to be heard, to be loud. I've been walking alone, head down, and silent. But I decided to go the other way. Chest up, smile. I would always remind myself. I am ready. Now, why did the chicken cross th

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself: " This guy/girl will ruin my life " ? I mean, come on. You see them online on Facebook and you're just gonna stare at their name on the chat box and heave out a sigh, hoping they'll  start a conversation with you... but then again, if you're brave enough, send out a "hi!" ... although the risks are scary. What if they ignore you? Or worse... seen . I'm not saying that you shouldn't start a conversation with someone you like, I'm just sharing what I think about if that would really happen to me. Infatuation is EVIL. IT WON'T LET YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT AND IT WILL POUND YOUR HEART TO BITS IF YOU SEE YOUR CRUSH TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. Just kidding . But of course, there are "The Lucky Ones". They're the ones that gets to hang out with the ones they like. The ones who can make memories with their crushes which will lead to closure and hey, they might develop a crush on you, t

This blog has been mostly about positive outlooks in life and the future, but allow me to give you a little gray cloud on a sunny day. For the past few weeks, my family has been asking me about my depression. They'd ask how can I still not get over my parent's death ( read about it   here ). How can I if that triggered my depression on? I know they're worried, they told me that they give me the things I need... but then I thought... I don't need material things, I just need them to understand. When they inquire me what's really happening inside my nutshell, I'd just look down and tell them that it's not easy to define, and I told them that I'll just express all of it to my psychiatrist. But today, I decided to write all about it. I know that the negativity of this post isn’t decent, but at least hear me out. 3 years ago, a year after my mom died, I understood my father’s constant drinking of alcoholic beverages, and I also understood all his s

(c) Tumblr I sometimes wish that every time we get hurt emotionally, bruises will just start appearing. it’s far better than getting something sharp and cut ourselves. Just plain bruises for every stress, anxiety, and hopelessness. Hiding how hurt we are every single day can be really tiring too, and I wouldn't wish for this if people would actually dig deeper and ask us if we’re really okay. Some would wait until they see the cuts we made before they ask what’s wrong.

I pretty much relate to this song so much. I have tried to prove to my family that I can manage things on my own (Distant yelling from society: "WELL TRY HARDER!") I have and I am still not giving up. I do not party nor drink at all. HONESTLY. Ask everyone that knows me...and yet there are people out there that don't trust me. People who have described me as someone who doesn't know anything. Someone who isn't responsible and doesn't have what it takes to survive alone. Well you know what? Here I am, almost finishing my first year in college and my limbs are still intact. Everyday, I would worry about what time should I be back without the landlord nagging me. My family is quite strict about my safety that is why I am scared to do...pretty much everything. Will they approve of this? Will they be okay with me doing this and that? They'll probably get mad at me for doing such. I shouldnt.. I wouldnt.. I pretty much COULDN'T. I am not compla

We all have different experiences, different lifestyles, different lives... and we may not know it, but sometimes, the only question we'd only wanna hear from people is: "How are you?" "I'm fine." "I'm good." "Everything's alright." "Nothing much really." "nm" "fine" SAME OLD. SAME OLD. Why can't I hear these answers? "My dog died...He was a gift from my dad and ... " "My favourite band's gonna have a concert near our place and my parents wouldnt mind me spectating!" "I got fired from my job ..." "I'm going to have a new cousin!" They sound better, don't they? It would be nice to know that someone actually listens. That someone actually cares. Not like: "Ahh.." (silence) "Aww, that's terrible!" (silence) "Good for you" (silence) "Good to hear" (silence) (silence) *laughs* (s

"You can only have a boyfriend once you graduate college," my grandma would remind me. I have always wondered how it would feel like to have someone you love with you every single day, knowing that he is yours and you are his. Sharing the same love song, forehead kisses, love letters, goodnight texts or calls, waking up to his good morning's... they sound good, dont they? I think they do. I admit, hearing songs like "Just The Girl" by Click 5 cheers me up. I have always wondered if someone will dedicate that song to me, I wondered how I would feel, I wondered if I can contain myself if that ever happens.I made a promise to myself that if I'll ever meet a guy who loves that song and sings it with me, he's the one. ( I never told this promise to anybody 'til now) I have met him. But what am I suppose to do but make him wait? Three more years, I would remind him. Have I met him too early? Too quick? No. I've met him at the right

(credits to the owner of the picture) What is about marriage that seems important among humans? amongst lovers? Is it the red string of faith that has been connecting us all along? Is it the ring that we put on our fingers to tell everyone that you already have someone dear to you? But then again, who am I, a 17-year-old girl to talk about marriage? Walking down isle, looking up to see  the man of your dreams waiting for you, holding out his hands so you can grab unto him, and never let go. Your parents, and his, already gave their blessings, and now it's their time to let go, trusting the man that they will take care of their little girl. But mine will be different. It wont be my parents, smiling with tears on their faces, it would be my aunts and uncles who had been my new parents ever since a terrible fate happened. But then again, I wouldnt mind. I'd walk witth the prettiest dress I've seen, fitting my body perfectly, and the dress flowing like the tides. I wo

Can't shake this feeling off of me. I'm sorry but I won't be able to blog about anything tonight but I promise I'll be posting something tomorrow. Have a nice day~! ^_^

I don’t know why people would rather curse someone or call them dumb if they suck at something and tell them “Keep practicing, you’ll be better. I’ll guide you all throughout the way, dont worry, I am here,” instead. A bit rare but I think that’s what everyone needs. If you keep on telling them that they suck, imagine how they would feel? Imagine how low the self esteem of most people are these days and there you are cursing and blaming them for what they did wrong. Maybe that’s why people would rather choose dying than listening to people telling them that they are useless. Please, just be there for somebody. If you know someone having a hard time,please lend a helping hand. You don’t know how much it means to them…

I have dreamt about cosplaying since I've been in my first year of high school. But blahh-- I don't wanna reminisce that much. Long story short, cosplaying for me was just a mere dream, like a fish wanting to step out of the ocean. A few months ago, a grandfather of mine gave us extra money. He's been giving us money whenever he can. I heard my aunt talk about him before. He wanted to help since I don't have parents to ask for stuffs. To be honest, I want a job right now so I can at least help lessen the expenses of my family, and of course, help myself. Cosplaying costs a lot of money and effort, and it's a bit hard to balance the incidentals between school and hobbies. So what do I do? I sacrifice. When I realized that I had enough money to buy my very own wig, I turned to an online cosplay shop and searched for people selling wigs online. And luckily, I found the perfect one <3 div=""> The length of the wig reaches my butt. XD Anyw