Skip to main content

HONESTY HOUR: How Many Times Will It Take For Me To Get It Right?"

I pretty much relate to this song so much. I have tried to prove to my family that I can manage things on my own (Distant yelling from society: "WELL TRY HARDER!")

I have and I am still not giving up. I do not party nor drink at all. HONESTLY. Ask everyone that knows me...and yet there are people out there that don't trust me. People who have described me as someone who doesn't know anything. Someone who isn't responsible and doesn't have what it takes to survive alone. Well you know what? Here I am, almost finishing my first year in college and my limbs are still intact.

Everyday, I would worry about what time should I be back without the landlord nagging me. My family is quite strict about my safety that is why I am scared to do...pretty much everything.
Will they approve of this?
Will they be okay with me doing this and that?
They'll probably get mad at me for doing such.
I shouldnt..
I wouldnt..
I pretty much COULDN'T.

I am not complaining about my family worrying about my safety, it is in their nature, of course... but can they trust me on the things I do?

I actually think that they should be happy that I don't like crowded places and partying...nor drinking and smoking (forgive me but i despise those acts) and be proud that I am not addicted to anything but surfing the web.

My point is... what do they want me to do so they can take this leash out of me and let me breathe and roam even for just a bit...?

Oh wait, I know..

I still gotta graduate in college.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Goodnight.

It's almost 2am and my mind is filled with reasons why I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep ... because when you've said your last "goodnight" for today, I wondered if you'll ever need me for the next couple of hours. What if you couldn't sleep, or have been woken up from a nightmare, and I wouldn't be there to tell you that everything's going to be alright? Tell me what's bothering you at 3am and I will talk to you until you fall asleep. And by then I'll bid you Goodnight. I couldn't sleep ... because when I look at the ceiling, I'd wish that by the time I look beside me, I can see you, and not this pillow missing the warmth of your skin. And maybe by then we wouldn't need to have our phone in our hands, because I would intertwine your fingers with mine, and they'd fit perfectly, almost as if it's meant to be. And we'll look at each other's eyes Not on our phones Because we wouldn't have ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ruined.

We all have these moments when we tell ourselves that our life's ruined. It might be because of a book, a movie, series, talk shows, or anything that we sank our hearts and feelings into. And it just happened to me...AGAIN. Here I am typing in my blog at 3am because I just paused a series that I am watching, I didn't just pause it, I closed that VLC media player and heaved out a stressed laugh because that series was ruining my life. I know that we all got disappointed from the wrong decisions that our favourite characters make and how impeccable their bad timing is, but maybe that's what's making the story more interesting. What if our life's a movie and people have been watching it? What if they get the same reaction we do when we get depressed, sad, or even happy with whatever the main character does? What if the voices in our head are actually the voices of the people watching over our life story? I have thought about that too, it sounds interesting but it...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some Alone Time

This blog has been mostly about positive outlooks in life and the future, but allow me to give you a little gray cloud on a sunny day. For the past few weeks, my family has been asking me about my depression. They'd ask how can I still not get over my parent's death ( read about it   here ). How can I if that triggered my depression on? I know they're worried, they told me that they give me the things I need... but then I thought... I don't need material things, I just need them to understand. When they inquire me what's really happening inside my nutshell, I'd just look down and tell them that it's not easy to define, and I told them that I'll just express all of it to my psychiatrist. But today, I decided to write all about it. I know that the negativity of this post isn’t decent, but at least hear me out. 3 years ago, a year after my mom died, I understood my father’s constant drinking of alcoholic beverages, and I also understood all his s...
Post a Comment
Read more