Living Inside My Head

"Don't say anything when you are mad or you'll regret it later." Maybe I will regret posting this, maybe I won't, but I would like to give you my two cents about mental illnesses and why it is F------ IMPORTANT. I have stopped myself a lot of times from posting an article like this because I know some people still won't understand it, and maybe they never will, and maybe they will judge me, but I don't care. I am sick of keeping this all in. For starters, I am diagnosed with DEPRESSION and ANXIETY. I go to the psychiatrist every month for my appointment. I have been doing this for a year now and I am still not healed because recently, I stopped my medications (I decided it for myself) because I thought that I didn't need it anymore and my family was complaining about the expenses anyway... (and they don't understand my illness as well). Everyday, I am struggling to get up in the morning. "Is it worth it?" "Should I even liv...

Don't fall for me. I can be jealous and selfish. I get jealous, really jealous if you talk to another girl. Yes, I could be selfish... But what's so wrong with the fear of losing you? The idea that maybe someone will make you happier that I ever can is unimaginable. And every time I see the girl that you've texted, my vision gets a little darker... in a way that the sky turns grey because the rain will take its toll. Don't fall for me. My self-esteem is as small as an ant. I wake up, look at the mirror and I don't like what I see. I get jealous because some girls can just be gorgeous without even trying, and that is why I can be a little overprotective. There are a lot of girls out there that's way better and I think of myself as a replaceable person... too easy to let go of. Don't fall for me. I am clingy. I will get offended if you don't reply to my I love you 's. I will throw a fit if you don't want me to spend the night with y...

People come and go. You look up and see them flocking but you won't be able to follow them with your eyes forever. At some point in life, someone comes along. Think about that one friend you have. Are you happy to have met him/her? Are you happy about  where you were when you met? Here I am thinking about my life choices, and I don't regret them one bit. I look at these people I get to see and talk to everyday, then my mind would wander back to the time when we first met and had our first conversation, never realizing it was the start of something that would be with me longer than I anticipated. I get saddened by the thought that one day, I'd wake up and realize that they're gone. Graduation is near for them while I am still four years away. There is more to the line " Why do birds suddenly appear? " I remember going to the rooftop of my past high school building and I recall following a fleeting airplane with my unmoving gaze. I stared at it long en...

Heyaaa! I decided to make a facebook page for this blog made specifically for you guys! I just thought that this will help me get to know my readers more and I hope you can support this page all the way with me! Thank you for staying with me eventhough I don't post much. x_x ~Link to page~

Understand that it took me a lot of courage to get up this morning. People would mistake me for a slacker. Someone who's always late for class, or someone that has an invalid reason to be absent. But please hear me out. Every morning is a constant battle between me and my brain.  "Why get up?" "Stay in bed. Better than being in class that you'll most probably fail." "You're invisible to everyone, what's the point?" "Nobody will notice that you're gone." Please understand that these thoughts are ghosts that haunt me every time. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS. Believe me, I want these thoughts to stop. Understand that this is not something to be joked about. I don't want you to know... but maybe I do.   It's hard to keep it all in. I don't want too much people knowing what I'm battling with, I don't want them to think that I'm just searching for attention... (admit it, most people see everyone with ...

I should be on my bed, staring at the ceiling, rethinking about my worth. My previous friends couldn't care less if I'm gone, and it seems as if I only bring stress to my family... then why am I here? Sometimes, I wish I could just yell and tell everyone to shut up and listen to me. But no, I am scared. Scared that no one will listen, scared that my opinion wouldn't matter, scared that my voice is just some dust in the wind. Life is just a series of doors that we get to dive in, head first. Every door gives you another path to choose, and so far I have chosen to be a coward. Along the way, I've met people who listened and reminded me that it's not a danger to go for other norms. It's okay to step up and be the speaker. That it's okay to voice out, to be heard, to be loud. I've been walking alone, head down, and silent. But I decided to go the other way. Chest up, smile. I would always remind myself. I am ready. Now, why did the chicken cross th...

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself: " This guy/girl will ruin my life " ? I mean, come on. You see them online on Facebook and you're just gonna stare at their name on the chat box and heave out a sigh, hoping they'll  start a conversation with you... but then again, if you're brave enough, send out a "hi!" ... although the risks are scary. What if they ignore you? Or worse... seen . I'm not saying that you shouldn't start a conversation with someone you like, I'm just sharing what I think about if that would really happen to me. Infatuation is EVIL. IT WON'T LET YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT AND IT WILL POUND YOUR HEART TO BITS IF YOU SEE YOUR CRUSH TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. Just kidding . But of course, there are "The Lucky Ones". They're the ones that gets to hang out with the ones they like. The ones who can make memories with their crushes which will lead to closure and hey, they might develop a crush on you, t...