Skip to main content

Unlocked.

I finally got the news that I passed the aptitude test of the college that I wanted to enroll to. Finally, I am going to be a journalist student and nothing could change that. I can finally live up to my dream of being a writer and I can prove to my family that I can do it.

When we found the perfect boarding house, my aunts and uncles were talking to the owner of the house. I stayed silent because there's no way for me to stop them from speaking. Their words stabbed me like a knife in my most vulnerable state. "She knows nothing", "we don't trust her when she's alone": those are the words that they kept on saying. The only good thing about it is that my sister didn't add up. Everyone in my family knows that I am a hopeless person and I'm a no-good kind of person. Lazy, clumsy, never the best, last choice, and the obvious, not trustworthy. 

That is the reason why I can't wait to start my first day in college. I can't wait to prove to them that I can handle being alone and without them to shoulder the things that I myself can do. I have tried proving that I am responsible, but once they see your laziness, that idea won't get out of their head. My laziness and irresponsibility is my signature in my family. Ask them who's the laziest, you won't be shocked when they'll point at me.

But I get it, I had been a happy-go-lucky kind of person. It's not their fault that they're looking at me at that kind of way. I MADE them look at me like that and I didn't move an inch to prove them wrong. And now that I want to change, their mind is fixed, and all I can do is survive my first year in college, and hopefully, they'll change their mind. Here comes the new me.

Honestly, it's all okay for me now. They are trying their best to help me enroll and that's already a huge thing for me. I know that in the deepest part of their thoughts, I know that they trust me and I know that they believe in me and I am determined to change their perspective of this person writing about this now.

Once my first year in college ends, I know that a lot of things will change. Right now, the only one that can help me is me. There will be barricades along the way but I know that I can get through them. No mountain is too high for a person with perseverance, no oceans too deep for a  strong submarine, and no story too long for a writer who puts her feelings and ideas into words.

I can imagine myself in a lamp-lit room doing nothing but write, scratch my head, and maybe have a little sip on a cup of coffee, and I want to make that come to life. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some Alone Time

This blog has been mostly about positive outlooks in life and the future, but allow me to give you a little gray cloud on a sunny day. For the past few weeks, my family has been asking me about my depression. They'd ask how can I still not get over my parent's death ( read about it   here ). How can I if that triggered my depression on? I know they're worried, they told me that they give me the things I need... but then I thought... I don't need material things, I just need them to understand. When they inquire me what's really happening inside my nutshell, I'd just look down and tell them that it's not easy to define, and I told them that I'll just express all of it to my psychiatrist. But today, I decided to write all about it. I know that the negativity of this post isn’t decent, but at least hear me out. 3 years ago, a year after my mom died, I understood my father’s constant drinking of alcoholic beverages, and I also understood all his s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Goodnight.

It's almost 2am and my mind is filled with reasons why I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep ... because when you've said your last "goodnight" for today, I wondered if you'll ever need me for the next couple of hours. What if you couldn't sleep, or have been woken up from a nightmare, and I wouldn't be there to tell you that everything's going to be alright? Tell me what's bothering you at 3am and I will talk to you until you fall asleep. And by then I'll bid you Goodnight. I couldn't sleep ... because when I look at the ceiling, I'd wish that by the time I look beside me, I can see you, and not this pillow missing the warmth of your skin. And maybe by then we wouldn't need to have our phone in our hands, because I would intertwine your fingers with mine, and they'd fit perfectly, almost as if it's meant to be. And we'll look at each other's eyes Not on our phones Because we wouldn't have ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Prayers

Remember that girl who bullied you yesterday? Or maybe that boy who teased awful things about you? Or those people who have let you down? What do you do to them? Do you bully them back or let them do what makes them happy, and that's hurting you? There's this line that says "Don't judge the book by its cover." We all know that it's about judgmental people. But come to think of it, are there people who don't judge?  I have read, seen, and heard about people's lives. About how cruel people to them are and how they just constantly tear them apart. But then again, we can't escape the fact that people like them exist, there will always be someone who will rain on your parade. But how did these kind of people exist? Let's go back to the girl who bullied you. Did you notice her scratches? How bout her bruises? No? How do you think is she treated at home?  Have you heard someone cry in your school's comfort room lately? THAT WAS HER. ...
Post a Comment
Read more