Living Inside My Head

I should be on my bed, staring at the ceiling, rethinking about my worth. My previous friends couldn't care less if I'm gone, and it seems as if I only bring stress to my family... then why am I here? Sometimes, I wish I could just yell and tell everyone to shut up and listen to me. But no, I am scared. Scared that no one will listen, scared that my opinion wouldn't matter, scared that my voice is just some dust in the wind. Life is just a series of doors that we get to dive in, head first. Every door gives you another path to choose, and so far I have chosen to be a coward. Along the way, I've met people who listened and reminded me that it's not a danger to go for other norms. It's okay to step up and be the speaker. That it's okay to voice out, to be heard, to be loud. I've been walking alone, head down, and silent. But I decided to go the other way. Chest up, smile. I would always remind myself. I am ready. Now, why did the chicken cross th...

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself: " This guy/girl will ruin my life " ? I mean, come on. You see them online on Facebook and you're just gonna stare at their name on the chat box and heave out a sigh, hoping they'll  start a conversation with you... but then again, if you're brave enough, send out a "hi!" ... although the risks are scary. What if they ignore you? Or worse... seen . I'm not saying that you shouldn't start a conversation with someone you like, I'm just sharing what I think about if that would really happen to me. Infatuation is EVIL. IT WON'T LET YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT AND IT WILL POUND YOUR HEART TO BITS IF YOU SEE YOUR CRUSH TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. Just kidding . But of course, there are "The Lucky Ones". They're the ones that gets to hang out with the ones they like. The ones who can make memories with their crushes which will lead to closure and hey, they might develop a crush on you, t...

This blog has been mostly about positive outlooks in life and the future, but allow me to give you a little gray cloud on a sunny day. For the past few weeks, my family has been asking me about my depression. They'd ask how can I still not get over my parent's death ( read about it   here ). How can I if that triggered my depression on? I know they're worried, they told me that they give me the things I need... but then I thought... I don't need material things, I just need them to understand. When they inquire me what's really happening inside my nutshell, I'd just look down and tell them that it's not easy to define, and I told them that I'll just express all of it to my psychiatrist. But today, I decided to write all about it. I know that the negativity of this post isn’t decent, but at least hear me out. 3 years ago, a year after my mom died, I understood my father’s constant drinking of alcoholic beverages, and I also understood all his s...

(c) Tumblr I sometimes wish that every time we get hurt emotionally, bruises will just start appearing. it’s far better than getting something sharp and cut ourselves. Just plain bruises for every stress, anxiety, and hopelessness. Hiding how hurt we are every single day can be really tiring too, and I wouldn't wish for this if people would actually dig deeper and ask us if we’re really okay. Some would wait until they see the cuts we made before they ask what’s wrong.

I pretty much relate to this song so much. I have tried to prove to my family that I can manage things on my own (Distant yelling from society: "WELL TRY HARDER!") I have and I am still not giving up. I do not party nor drink at all. HONESTLY. Ask everyone that knows me...and yet there are people out there that don't trust me. People who have described me as someone who doesn't know anything. Someone who isn't responsible and doesn't have what it takes to survive alone. Well you know what? Here I am, almost finishing my first year in college and my limbs are still intact. Everyday, I would worry about what time should I be back without the landlord nagging me. My family is quite strict about my safety that is why I am scared to do...pretty much everything. Will they approve of this? Will they be okay with me doing this and that? They'll probably get mad at me for doing such. I shouldnt.. I wouldnt.. I pretty much COULDN'T. I am not compla...

We all have different experiences, different lifestyles, different lives... and we may not know it, but sometimes, the only question we'd only wanna hear from people is: "How are you?" "I'm fine." "I'm good." "Everything's alright." "Nothing much really." "nm" "fine" SAME OLD. SAME OLD. Why can't I hear these answers? "My dog died...He was a gift from my dad and ... " "My favourite band's gonna have a concert near our place and my parents wouldnt mind me spectating!" "I got fired from my job ..." "I'm going to have a new cousin!" They sound better, don't they? It would be nice to know that someone actually listens. That someone actually cares. Not like: "Ahh.." (silence) "Aww, that's terrible!" (silence) "Good for you" (silence) "Good to hear" (silence) (silence) *laughs* (s...

"You can only have a boyfriend once you graduate college," my grandma would remind me. I have always wondered how it would feel like to have someone you love with you every single day, knowing that he is yours and you are his. Sharing the same love song, forehead kisses, love letters, goodnight texts or calls, waking up to his good morning's... they sound good, dont they? I think they do. I admit, hearing songs like "Just The Girl" by Click 5 cheers me up. I have always wondered if someone will dedicate that song to me, I wondered how I would feel, I wondered if I can contain myself if that ever happens.I made a promise to myself that if I'll ever meet a guy who loves that song and sings it with me, he's the one. ( I never told this promise to anybody 'til now) I have met him. But what am I suppose to do but make him wait? Three more years, I would remind him. Have I met him too early? Too quick? No. I've met him at the right ...