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Happy birthday, mama

January 10, 2017

How old would you have been by now? I lost count.
How long has it been? Seven years.

In those seven years, I have graduated from high school, and now I'm in college. Ma! I passed UP! I hope you're happy for me--
Mama. Mama. Mama.

I miss calling you mama. I miss the feeling of wanting to go home, because I know you'll be waiting for me there, along with papa. Maybe... maybe  I'd be more excited with the idea of going home, when I know that you'll be there waiting.

When I eat my meals outside, I often see moms holding their child softly in their arms, and I would often hope that the baby will treat their mom with love and care... like I would have with you if I'll be given one more day, just one more day to be with you.

Recently, we visited your mom (grandma) and your sisters (aunts) and one of them looks like you. Is it bad that I thought it was you? That you were actually there this whole time and this was all a surprise? That you were alive all along... that we're seeing the same skies everyday... that this was all...fake.

But no. I was there when cancer had to take another angel. I... I wish I could have spent the remaining hours with you. If I only knew the night before that it's gonna be my last time to say "Goodnight, mama. I love you," I couldn't have slept. I would not miss a second. I would have been by your side... until your last breath.

Before this day ends, ma, I love you. I hope you're happy with papa. I'm glad that you're my mom, and thank you for the wonderful 12 years with me. I know you're not coming back but...

I will always look for you in a place full of people, like I always do, everyday. Hoping to have a glimpse of your smile again.

It's almost midnight.

Goodnight mama. I love you.

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