Skip to main content

Happy birthday, mama

January 10, 2017

How old would you have been by now? I lost count.
How long has it been? Seven years.

In those seven years, I have graduated from high school, and now I'm in college. Ma! I passed UP! I hope you're happy for me--
Mama. Mama. Mama.

I miss calling you mama. I miss the feeling of wanting to go home, because I know you'll be waiting for me there, along with papa. Maybe... maybe  I'd be more excited with the idea of going home, when I know that you'll be there waiting.

When I eat my meals outside, I often see moms holding their child softly in their arms, and I would often hope that the baby will treat their mom with love and care... like I would have with you if I'll be given one more day, just one more day to be with you.

Recently, we visited your mom (grandma) and your sisters (aunts) and one of them looks like you. Is it bad that I thought it was you? That you were actually there this whole time and this was all a surprise? That you were alive all along... that we're seeing the same skies everyday... that this was all...fake.

But no. I was there when cancer had to take another angel. I... I wish I could have spent the remaining hours with you. If I only knew the night before that it's gonna be my last time to say "Goodnight, mama. I love you," I couldn't have slept. I would not miss a second. I would have been by your side... until your last breath.

Before this day ends, ma, I love you. I hope you're happy with papa. I'm glad that you're my mom, and thank you for the wonderful 12 years with me. I know you're not coming back but...

I will always look for you in a place full of people, like I always do, everyday. Hoping to have a glimpse of your smile again.

It's almost midnight.

Goodnight mama. I love you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Untitled.

"You have to work hard to achieve your goal." The most cliche line that people would say to motivate you. But honestly, the only one that can motivate you is yourself...Well unless you're at school and there's a certain activity where you look at your best friend and say "I'll join if you join." Agree? I started with this article without a title because i gotta be honest with you guys...I am in a conflict with myself about what to write about next, so I really need your help. Be open, tell me what you want me to write about and I'll try my best to write about it. You can ask me for help and I will rack my brain just to find the perfect advice for you because I wanna be someone who you can lean on and someone that you're not afraid to tell all your problems to I want to be that someone that you can actually call a friend because in my past, I needed someone that I could lean on because I was alone and I don't want anybody to experience tha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Goodnight.

It's almost 2am and my mind is filled with reasons why I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep ... because when you've said your last "goodnight" for today, I wondered if you'll ever need me for the next couple of hours. What if you couldn't sleep, or have been woken up from a nightmare, and I wouldn't be there to tell you that everything's going to be alright? Tell me what's bothering you at 3am and I will talk to you until you fall asleep. And by then I'll bid you Goodnight. I couldn't sleep ... because when I look at the ceiling, I'd wish that by the time I look beside me, I can see you, and not this pillow missing the warmth of your skin. And maybe by then we wouldn't need to have our phone in our hands, because I would intertwine your fingers with mine, and they'd fit perfectly, almost as if it's meant to be. And we'll look at each other's eyes Not on our phones Because we wouldn't have ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some Alone Time

This blog has been mostly about positive outlooks in life and the future, but allow me to give you a little gray cloud on a sunny day. For the past few weeks, my family has been asking me about my depression. They'd ask how can I still not get over my parent's death ( read about it   here ). How can I if that triggered my depression on? I know they're worried, they told me that they give me the things I need... but then I thought... I don't need material things, I just need them to understand. When they inquire me what's really happening inside my nutshell, I'd just look down and tell them that it's not easy to define, and I told them that I'll just express all of it to my psychiatrist. But today, I decided to write all about it. I know that the negativity of this post isn’t decent, but at least hear me out. 3 years ago, a year after my mom died, I understood my father’s constant drinking of alcoholic beverages, and I also understood all his s...
Post a Comment
Read more