Living Inside My Head

I should be on my bed, staring at the ceiling, rethinking about my worth. My previous friends couldn't care less if I'm gone, and it seems as if I only bring stress to my family... then why am I here? Sometimes, I wish I could just yell and tell everyone to shut up and listen to me. But no, I am scared. Scared that no one will listen, scared that my opinion wouldn't matter, scared that my voice is just some dust in the wind. Life is just a series of doors that we get to dive in, head first. Every door gives you another path to choose, and so far I have chosen to be a coward. Along the way, I've met people who listened and reminded me that it's not a danger to go for other norms. It's okay to step up and be the speaker. That it's okay to voice out, to be heard, to be loud. I've been walking alone, head down, and silent. But I decided to go the other way. Chest up, smile. I would always remind myself. I am ready. Now, why did the chicken cross th

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself: " This guy/girl will ruin my life " ? I mean, come on. You see them online on Facebook and you're just gonna stare at their name on the chat box and heave out a sigh, hoping they'll  start a conversation with you... but then again, if you're brave enough, send out a "hi!" ... although the risks are scary. What if they ignore you? Or worse... seen . I'm not saying that you shouldn't start a conversation with someone you like, I'm just sharing what I think about if that would really happen to me. Infatuation is EVIL. IT WON'T LET YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT AND IT WILL POUND YOUR HEART TO BITS IF YOU SEE YOUR CRUSH TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. Just kidding . But of course, there are "The Lucky Ones". They're the ones that gets to hang out with the ones they like. The ones who can make memories with their crushes which will lead to closure and hey, they might develop a crush on you, t

This blog has been mostly about positive outlooks in life and the future, but allow me to give you a little gray cloud on a sunny day. For the past few weeks, my family has been asking me about my depression. They'd ask how can I still not get over my parent's death ( read about it   here ). How can I if that triggered my depression on? I know they're worried, they told me that they give me the things I need... but then I thought... I don't need material things, I just need them to understand. When they inquire me what's really happening inside my nutshell, I'd just look down and tell them that it's not easy to define, and I told them that I'll just express all of it to my psychiatrist. But today, I decided to write all about it. I know that the negativity of this post isn’t decent, but at least hear me out. 3 years ago, a year after my mom died, I understood my father’s constant drinking of alcoholic beverages, and I also understood all his s