Skip to main content

What I Need You to Understand

Understand that it took me a lot of courage to get up this morning.

People would mistake me for a slacker. Someone who's always late for class, or someone that has an invalid reason to be absent. But please hear me out.

Every morning is a constant battle between me and my brain. 

"Why get up?"
"Stay in bed. Better than being in class that you'll most probably fail."
"You're invisible to everyone, what's the point?"
"Nobody will notice that you're gone."

Please understand that these thoughts are ghosts that haunt me every time. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS. Believe me, I want these thoughts to stop.

Understand that this is not something to be joked about. I don't want you to know... but maybe I do.
 It's hard to keep it all in. I don't want too much people knowing what I'm battling with, I don't want them to think that I'm just searching for attention... (admit it, most people see everyone with mental illness as someone dying for consideration) but then again... sometimes, I want some people to know... and hope that maybe they will help me heal. I just really need someone to hear me out... because these thoughts are too loud... and keeping them to myself everyday is excruciating. (But thank God I met people that are helping me BIGTIME with this illness. I can't thank you enough)

Understand that I am trying to stop this raunchy habit, I really am.
 In times of loneliness and silence, I'd turn to my "friend" people know as a blade. This friend of mine helps me every time I feel... empty.

'Cause the pain my friend brings cannot compare to the satisfaction that will soon be there. I always assure myself that I deserve all of these pain for the things I have done... It's worth the scars that never heal for just a moment not to feel anything at all.

But I made a promise to my friends that I will never go back to this habit of mine... No, not anymore... And I'm really proud to say my arm is three (3) months clean. 

And now...
For people who are in the same page as me, always know that I am proud of you. I am proud that you are still alive and breathing. Smile, be happy. WE MANAGED TO GET UP THIS MORNING. Please know that I am here to listen to you. Believe me, I want to be friends with everyone (you can contact me anytime on any of my social media accounts).

You can get through today. You can't give up now. You have made it this far.

Maybe it won't get easier anytime soon...

But one day, you'll know why you stayed.  



 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ruined.

We all have these moments when we tell ourselves that our life's ruined. It might be because of a book, a movie, series, talk shows, or anything that we sank our hearts and feelings into. And it just happened to me...AGAIN. Here I am typing in my blog at 3am because I just paused a series that I am watching, I didn't just pause it, I closed that VLC media player and heaved out a stressed laugh because that series was ruining my life. I know that we all got disappointed from the wrong decisions that our favourite characters make and how impeccable their bad timing is, but maybe that's what's making the story more interesting. What if our life's a movie and people have been watching it? What if they get the same reaction we do when we get depressed, sad, or even happy with whatever the main character does? What if the voices in our head are actually the voices of the people watching over our life story? I have thought about that too, it sounds interesting but it...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hello College, Goodbye High School

April 4, 2014, the day when we finally graduated. It seems like it was only yesterday when we first stepped into our classroom. Days do go by fast, huh? While our graduation song was playing in the background, almost all of us couldn't sing because we were already crying. Parents and guardians were in front of us and after singing our song, we gave them roses and that's when all of us broke into crying. To be honest, I have seen the most beautiful moment I could have seen in my entire life. Everyone was smiling with tears in their eyes and everyone was hugging one another. Even our teachers were teary-eyed. We all said our thanks and apologized to the ones that we've hurt. Our past teachers came, too. Nothing could have been better than that. Today I woke up and realized that I can never study to our school ever again. I won't see the same faces that I have seen everyday in that school. And that school's name is Conperey. Then I also realized that I won't s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Being Blind

Most of them say that being blind is hard. You wouldn't know where you are, you wouldn't know what's the color of this and that, you would't know how amazing earth is, you'll see nothing but darkness... But being blind doesn't mean you don't have any chances of living the good life in this world. You have the ears to listen, the nose to smell, the mouth to speak, and the skin to feel, and maybe, just maybe, that could be enough. You can listen to nature surrounding you. The rushing of the river, the chirping of the birds... You can smell what you're cooking and make it a perfect dish because you can smell the bad ones from the good ones... You can speak up your mind and also ask people for assistance because you can't really see them but you know they are there... And you have the skin to feel the wind sweeping on your face, the gentle touch of a person guiding you, the softness and roughness of things, and that's already enoug...
Post a Comment
Read more