Skip to main content

What I Need You to Understand

Understand that it took me a lot of courage to get up this morning.

People would mistake me for a slacker. Someone who's always late for class, or someone that has an invalid reason to be absent. But please hear me out.

Every morning is a constant battle between me and my brain. 

"Why get up?"
"Stay in bed. Better than being in class that you'll most probably fail."
"You're invisible to everyone, what's the point?"
"Nobody will notice that you're gone."

Please understand that these thoughts are ghosts that haunt me every time. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS. Believe me, I want these thoughts to stop.

Understand that this is not something to be joked about. I don't want you to know... but maybe I do.
 It's hard to keep it all in. I don't want too much people knowing what I'm battling with, I don't want them to think that I'm just searching for attention... (admit it, most people see everyone with mental illness as someone dying for consideration) but then again... sometimes, I want some people to know... and hope that maybe they will help me heal. I just really need someone to hear me out... because these thoughts are too loud... and keeping them to myself everyday is excruciating. (But thank God I met people that are helping me BIGTIME with this illness. I can't thank you enough)

Understand that I am trying to stop this raunchy habit, I really am.
 In times of loneliness and silence, I'd turn to my "friend" people know as a blade. This friend of mine helps me every time I feel... empty.

'Cause the pain my friend brings cannot compare to the satisfaction that will soon be there. I always assure myself that I deserve all of these pain for the things I have done... It's worth the scars that never heal for just a moment not to feel anything at all.

But I made a promise to my friends that I will never go back to this habit of mine... No, not anymore... And I'm really proud to say my arm is three (3) months clean. 

And now...
For people who are in the same page as me, always know that I am proud of you. I am proud that you are still alive and breathing. Smile, be happy. WE MANAGED TO GET UP THIS MORNING. Please know that I am here to listen to you. Believe me, I want to be friends with everyone (you can contact me anytime on any of my social media accounts).

You can get through today. You can't give up now. You have made it this far.

Maybe it won't get easier anytime soon...

But one day, you'll know why you stayed.  



 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Untitled.

"You have to work hard to achieve your goal." The most cliche line that people would say to motivate you. But honestly, the only one that can motivate you is yourself...Well unless you're at school and there's a certain activity where you look at your best friend and say "I'll join if you join." Agree? I started with this article without a title because i gotta be honest with you guys...I am in a conflict with myself about what to write about next, so I really need your help. Be open, tell me what you want me to write about and I'll try my best to write about it. You can ask me for help and I will rack my brain just to find the perfect advice for you because I wanna be someone who you can lean on and someone that you're not afraid to tell all your problems to I want to be that someone that you can actually call a friend because in my past, I needed someone that I could lean on because I was alone and I don't want anybody to experience tha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Goodnight.

It's almost 2am and my mind is filled with reasons why I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep ... because when you've said your last "goodnight" for today, I wondered if you'll ever need me for the next couple of hours. What if you couldn't sleep, or have been woken up from a nightmare, and I wouldn't be there to tell you that everything's going to be alright? Tell me what's bothering you at 3am and I will talk to you until you fall asleep. And by then I'll bid you Goodnight. I couldn't sleep ... because when I look at the ceiling, I'd wish that by the time I look beside me, I can see you, and not this pillow missing the warmth of your skin. And maybe by then we wouldn't need to have our phone in our hands, because I would intertwine your fingers with mine, and they'd fit perfectly, almost as if it's meant to be. And we'll look at each other's eyes Not on our phones Because we wouldn't have ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some Alone Time

This blog has been mostly about positive outlooks in life and the future, but allow me to give you a little gray cloud on a sunny day. For the past few weeks, my family has been asking me about my depression. They'd ask how can I still not get over my parent's death ( read about it   here ). How can I if that triggered my depression on? I know they're worried, they told me that they give me the things I need... but then I thought... I don't need material things, I just need them to understand. When they inquire me what's really happening inside my nutshell, I'd just look down and tell them that it's not easy to define, and I told them that I'll just express all of it to my psychiatrist. But today, I decided to write all about it. I know that the negativity of this post isn’t decent, but at least hear me out. 3 years ago, a year after my mom died, I understood my father’s constant drinking of alcoholic beverages, and I also understood all his s...
Post a Comment
Read more