Skip to main content

Suffocating

All my life, everyone has been watching over me. Yeah, it's a good thing...but watching over me in a way where all my whereabouts will be mentioned to my family, or whatever time I'd arrive home, or where I had been the whole day? That's just too much.

It's my first year in college already, I am 16 years old. Before I came here in the city to study in the university I wanted to go to, my family expected that I'd call them, crying, because I can't handle being alone. They would tell my landlady that I don't know anything, and I just sat there, silent.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and yet I never called them crying that I wanna go home. There is no place like home, yes, but for someone who felt like your every move was being checked, it felt fine to be away for a while, but of course, that feeling of being away from the city and wanting to go back to our province comes out often.

Although being here in the boarding house didn't give me 100% freedom. The landlady knows my family's number and one wrong move, I am dead. 

I've read post about breaking free, about forgetting what people will do, or making your life the way you want it to be. It is inspiring, yes, but sometimes, it's just too hard. There might be some people who has it worse than me, and I can't imagine what they must be feeling right now, and I hope we can get through this...together.

Maybe all I am hoping for right now is strength for me to stand up for myself sometimes. Stand up in a way that I have a point and the people would realize it. Stand up where they're gonna have to agree with me because I am right... And stand up where I'm not being arrogant and disrespectful to the way that they watch over me.

Now all I need is to prove it to them. I have proven that I can live in the city without being in trouble, and all I am hoping for now is for them to allow me to breathe my own air, take the wheel of my own ship and drive it the way I want to, and for them to trust me because I myself know that I can do this, and I hope they'll believe in me, too.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

**ANNOUNCEMENT**

Heyaaa! I decided to make a facebook page for this blog made specifically for you guys! I just thought that this will help me get to know my readers more and I hope you can support this page all the way with me! Thank you for staying with me eventhough I don't post much. x_x ~Link to page~

What's Wrong With Love? (Honesty Hour)

"You can only have a boyfriend once you graduate college," my grandma would remind me. I have always wondered how it would feel like to have someone you love with you every single day, knowing that he is yours and you are his. Sharing the same love song, forehead kisses, love letters, goodnight texts or calls, waking up to his good morning's... they sound good, dont they? I think they do. I admit, hearing songs like "Just The Girl" by Click 5 cheers me up. I have always wondered if someone will dedicate that song to me, I wondered how I would feel, I wondered if I can contain myself if that ever happens.I made a promise to myself that if I'll ever meet a guy who loves that song and sings it with me, he's the one. ( I never told this promise to anybody 'til now) I have met him. But what am I suppose to do but make him wait? Three more years, I would remind him. Have I met him too early? Too quick? No. I've met him at the right ...

Don't Take Love Away

If you know someone who has a girlfriend and if you're planning to flirt with the man, I'm gonna have to ask you to read this post until the end. This will be short. Whenever I'm outside, in a classroom, or in a cafe, I have heard conversations about a girl crushing on a guy who already have a girlfriend, and what I heard we're pretty bad. Their plans would either be: wait til they break up (adding "walang forever" / "there's no forever") flirt steal the guy herself Why? Why do you have to go through all that process on stealing someone's love? Why do you have to be selfish? Do you think about the consequences? Have you ever thought that you will ruin someone's view about love? How can you live thinking that you got what you want, but there is someone out there crying at night thinking why they WEREN'T ENOUGH. If it sounds as if I've been through that kind of pain... then yes, I have, and I still am going through ...